Is this real life?
I just came home from a great vacation. It was a girls weekend and it was lovely. Great to see family. Great to show Lila off to family. Great to relax. Great to eat yummy good all day. Soo great to see my friend, Katrina, who lost her baby to SIDS just months before Jovi. Great to meet her new rainbow baby. It was wonderful. Then, I came home.
Coming home is always so hard. Hard because while on vacation it's so easy to just enjoy everything and not dwell on reality and the reality of losing my baby. I find myself not thinking about everything as much when I'm in a new place staying so busy. It was, also, hard to leave a friend who 100% gets my life. I can't say how great it is to be with someone who has been through what I have... Who just gets it. It's so... Freeing. It's just so nice to have someone get it. And then I have to come home. I missed my boys so much... So very much. Was so happy to see them. But, I hate coming home and realizing yet again, the severity of losing my baby. And that I don't get to come home to my entire family. And that I have to deal with losing my baby. I hate this. There is nothing easy about losing my sweet baby. Nothing. I hate just having to ask is this my real life? Yes, Molly, yes it is. This is your real life- forever missing your precious girl.
Jovi- I miss you tonight more than anything. I love you to Heaven and back.
:( I often feel the same way. It's hard to be gone - away from my girls & from where his body lies - but coming back to reality is so hard, too. That is so great you have someone who COMPLETELY understands where you're coming from in relation to your SIDS loss & doesn't silently nudge you away from that subject because it's not comfortable for THEM.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, my friend. Sorry that real life will never be 100% full & whole, because something will always be missing - God is good, life has many blessings, but the absence of Jovi in your day to day life will always be felt by your tender mama's heart. I wish something I could say or do could make it easier somehow. Know that I love you & am lifting you up in prayer. Feel a big hug today & if you need anything I'm here for ya! xoxo
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