SIDS

I hate SIDS. I know this is a statement everyone can agree with, but let me explain my reasons.

SIDS took my daughter. SIDS made it so Jovi is no longer here.

SIDS is so broad. In fact, if you want to get technical- Jovi's autosy diagnosis isn't "sudden infant death syndrome". Jovi's autopsy diagnosis is "sudden unexplained death in an infant". So, technically Jovi didn't even die from SIDS. But, yet everyone still deems it as SIDS... so much easier to say than she just suddenly died for no explanation as an infant. Most ME's (medical examiners) are leaning towards Jovi's cause of death or  SUID (sudden unexplained infant death). I've, also, read articles saying that it's looking like the SIDS stats are going down, but that's just because of the new cause of death change. Of course, "SIDS" will go down if it's no longer classified as SIDS but as SUID or SUDI (sorry for all the acronyms).

I hate that people think SIDS is actually preventable. If you successfully follow steps 1, 2, and 3 then your baby will survive. Incorrect. I hate that people think if your baby dies of SIDS then somehow you did something wrong. Incorrect. I, often, find myself wanting to explain and say we were good parents. We didn't smoke around our baby. To be even more honest, she was NEVER around cigarette smoke. Our baby had NOTHING in her bed when she died. Our baby slept with a fan. Our baby slept with an AngelCare monitor. Our baby was breastfed. Our baby didn't have a blanket on. Our baby was wearing just a simple sleeveless onesie when she died. She couldn't have gotten too hot. Our baby was well-cared for... Our baby did sleep on her tummy... we were instructed by medical professionals NOT to sleep our baby on her back. She side-slept (while being swaddled) until she could roll. I, then, decided a baby who could roll onto her belly needed her arms so I took her swaddle away. We did everything we could to keep her alive. I hate that there is this philosophy that it is actually preventable. It isn't... babies have been known to die in parents arms (while parents are awake), in hospitals, in swings, in bouncy chairs... where there were ZERO suffocation hazards. I, strongly, believe that SIDS has more to it than safe sleeping. I do believe in putting your baby down safely. I do believe in doing everything you can to keep your baby safe sleeping, but I still think that sometimes that isn't enough.

I hate that we have no reason for our babies death. When the detective came to our house, his exact words were, "there are no signs of suffocation". Her autopsy results saying UNEXPLAINED death. We have nothing. Our baby just died... no reason why. I hate that. I like reason. I like to know why. But, this is something I'll (most likely) never know. I have no reason to lean on... I have no way to prevent in the future. I know, first hand, that sometimes regardless what you do your baby doesn't survive. I can't wait to get to Heaven and see the entire picture... I can't wait to see God's entire picture and entire story.

Jovi baby- you are missed so much. Your stocking is hung for you. It was sad to hang that up and have you not be here to enjoy it. I don't doubt you can see it and know we are still honoring and remembering you. What are you doing this minute in Heaven? Will you come stop by for a visit in a dream of mine soon? I miss you SOOOO much. I love you, baby, to Heaven and back.

We didn't forget you in our family pictures.

"Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty? They are higher than the Heavens- what can you do? They are deeper than the depths of the grave- what can you know? Their measure is longer than the earth and wider than the sea." Job 11: 7-9