Day 22

22 days seems unfathomable... but I've made it. It's been far too long since I kissed those chubby cheeks.

Today was a big day for me, baby. I went back to work! It felt good, actually. Getting back to something that was normal. I liked being back. Hard. But, good. I saw your chart and it now says "Deceased". Broke my heart just a little more...Nana and I went to lunch after. I went to a SIDS Fun Run meeting. It left me feeling disappointed. I'm sad that the money we were going to give in your name is going towards sleep sacks... my passion doesn't lie in this... it's in finding a reason for SIDS. Don't get me wrong, I'm ALL for creating public awareness, and teaching the proper ways to sleep babies.... I am. If this money the majority of the money was for beds for babies... I'd get that. I'd be all for that. I guess I just don't think a sleep sack would have saved your life since I knew not to put a blanket on you. Not to mention, I've reading say if a blanket is entirely over a baby's head... it can still get enough oxygen. How can I market these if I don't fully believe in them? I want to see your money go to finding a cause... I want it to go towards research or grants or... I don't know. Something that can find the problem.... in the mean time, I really am for public awareness and education. Especially hearing multiple times that people didn't even know SIDS still exists.... I believe it's sooo important. Back to sleep, no blankets, no bed sharing... I get that. I'm willing to help with that. I want to help with that. BUT, so much of me wants this money to go towards finding the cause. I only wish a portion of their proceeds goes to research or something.... The people were so kind. Liz was amazing and I think as support people- they are great. But, I just don't think I can help with the run this year. I can get a lot of participants or hand out flyers... but I can't ask for money. I can barely talk about you without crying... I just need some time.

I'm so tired today. I went running with Nana this morning... we were slow. I love when she runs with me. We can talk about anything or cry if we need to... she's the best Nana. It's time for me to go to bed. I missed you all day today. I love you, Jovi, to Heaven and back.